Love is...
according to Avenue Q, there is a thin thin line separating love and friendship... and there is something about spending time and wasting time... which i cannot remember also...
i was jogging just now... i think i saw what love is... it was just after a heavy downpour... was finishing my jog when i saw this grandmother with her granddaughter at a flooded playground playing catching... its all the more striking cos the girl was squealing and running everywhere, climbing up and down to escape from the grandmother. the grandmother was kinda struggling to keep up... and climbing up and down for her especially on a wet and slippery playground isnt an easy chore... i really admire her love for her granddaughter... these are things which one will only see people from the older generation doing, such is LOVE... In modern day context, what i can picture is the child being trapped at home esp after rain, if they ever said they wanted to go to the playground, they are sure to get scolded big time by their mother. they cant even smell the playground, not to say be there...
ruoyan suddenly msged me out of the blue yesterday, after 2 years of ignoring me. i thot she din wanna be friends with me. she suddenly said, i sorted out my thinking already, i am really sorry, do u still want me as a friend? im like kinda stunned, i thot she msged the wrong person when i saw her msg popping up.. well, i had a good time teasing her about it, but all is fine now... we are friends again.. we'll see... i wonder what took her so long...
a certain friend of mine, i thot i like her... but she cant seemed to let go of her previous r/s. deep down, she knows its over, but she just likes digging her own grave, finding out about the guy and set her mind crazy thinking about absurd things... finding trouble for herself... neither here nor there, troubled yet sober.. i think i was like that when i was out of love, always looking for things, digging a hole to bury myself deeper... vicious cycle, knowing that you have to get out of it but yet u like to wallow deeper.. but now i am really out of it, i look back and think that its silly, why dun they come to their senses... but i guess when i am in the same shit again... i will be the one wallowing and not coming to senses...
we have been spending a lot of time together recently, the few of us... going overseas, eating, shopping, movies all...really enjoy the company... just that sometimes i feel very left out of the conversation because of my job nature, sometimes, when they talk about what they are dealing with and office work, i can only listen because i never experienced it before... is it sour grapes? i dunno, maybe... could be also because i am yearning to work in a more fixed setting where i wun miss out so much... flying around does have its perks but it means u give up a lot too... like gatherings you cant attend, weddings of buddies, soccer games u keep missing.. working when people are sleeping... just to name a few... a short get away trip is planned, originally, its few of us going, but now they wanna go ahead and go earlier... actually its a good idea cos they wun waste the weekend... but i was sore i guess, jealous and feeling uneasy? i dunno why, it came over me when they suggested it, honestly, i wasnt keen on the idea of travelling alone, not if i am on a single person holiday trip where i plan for everything myself... but now its all eating up into their time, the wait can be irritating... i suggested to her that maybe they shud go ahead without me.. cos partly i feel bad if they have to miss the weekend of the trip because of me, then, what if i cant find them there.. its gonna be another waiting game and wasting time... just exclude me from the plans, i rather stay in singapore if thats the case.. makes things easier... they can enjoy themselves, no waiting... and no weird feelings from me if i am not there... why am i feeling this way?? there are times when i send her home, i feel like just spending time with her, but words wun come out, each time i see her so tired... i just couldnt bear to take up anymore of her rest time. dun think she is ready yet, she mentioned it before... i can only just silently wait and show concern secretly.. maybe i have fallen for her.. that seems the only logical reason so far... sigh..
i was jogging just now... i think i saw what love is... it was just after a heavy downpour... was finishing my jog when i saw this grandmother with her granddaughter at a flooded playground playing catching... its all the more striking cos the girl was squealing and running everywhere, climbing up and down to escape from the grandmother. the grandmother was kinda struggling to keep up... and climbing up and down for her especially on a wet and slippery playground isnt an easy chore... i really admire her love for her granddaughter... these are things which one will only see people from the older generation doing, such is LOVE... In modern day context, what i can picture is the child being trapped at home esp after rain, if they ever said they wanted to go to the playground, they are sure to get scolded big time by their mother. they cant even smell the playground, not to say be there...
ruoyan suddenly msged me out of the blue yesterday, after 2 years of ignoring me. i thot she din wanna be friends with me. she suddenly said, i sorted out my thinking already, i am really sorry, do u still want me as a friend? im like kinda stunned, i thot she msged the wrong person when i saw her msg popping up.. well, i had a good time teasing her about it, but all is fine now... we are friends again.. we'll see... i wonder what took her so long...
a certain friend of mine, i thot i like her... but she cant seemed to let go of her previous r/s. deep down, she knows its over, but she just likes digging her own grave, finding out about the guy and set her mind crazy thinking about absurd things... finding trouble for herself... neither here nor there, troubled yet sober.. i think i was like that when i was out of love, always looking for things, digging a hole to bury myself deeper... vicious cycle, knowing that you have to get out of it but yet u like to wallow deeper.. but now i am really out of it, i look back and think that its silly, why dun they come to their senses... but i guess when i am in the same shit again... i will be the one wallowing and not coming to senses...
we have been spending a lot of time together recently, the few of us... going overseas, eating, shopping, movies all...really enjoy the company... just that sometimes i feel very left out of the conversation because of my job nature, sometimes, when they talk about what they are dealing with and office work, i can only listen because i never experienced it before... is it sour grapes? i dunno, maybe... could be also because i am yearning to work in a more fixed setting where i wun miss out so much... flying around does have its perks but it means u give up a lot too... like gatherings you cant attend, weddings of buddies, soccer games u keep missing.. working when people are sleeping... just to name a few... a short get away trip is planned, originally, its few of us going, but now they wanna go ahead and go earlier... actually its a good idea cos they wun waste the weekend... but i was sore i guess, jealous and feeling uneasy? i dunno why, it came over me when they suggested it, honestly, i wasnt keen on the idea of travelling alone, not if i am on a single person holiday trip where i plan for everything myself... but now its all eating up into their time, the wait can be irritating... i suggested to her that maybe they shud go ahead without me.. cos partly i feel bad if they have to miss the weekend of the trip because of me, then, what if i cant find them there.. its gonna be another waiting game and wasting time... just exclude me from the plans, i rather stay in singapore if thats the case.. makes things easier... they can enjoy themselves, no waiting... and no weird feelings from me if i am not there... why am i feeling this way?? there are times when i send her home, i feel like just spending time with her, but words wun come out, each time i see her so tired... i just couldnt bear to take up anymore of her rest time. dun think she is ready yet, she mentioned it before... i can only just silently wait and show concern secretly.. maybe i have fallen for her.. that seems the only logical reason so far... sigh..
posted by EniGmAtiC NoStaLgiA at 11/19/2008 11:32:00 PM
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