Web of Love

I think it has come to a point where it just doesnt feel right if we dun talk to each other for a day? most of the time, we will be talking on msn or smsing each other, doesnt matter who started it actually, both parties were quite equal on this.

the past few days's been a lot of talking, between her and her bf and me and her... her bf is already suspecting something, according to her, a friend of his was reading his astrological signs tells him that she has better impression of someone else other than him... he got worried and wanted to chase her back... i was bewildered.. seriously stars tell so much? but she tried to cover up by saying its another guy when the top suspicion fell on me... i guess she wanted to keep this thing going. she also admited she likes my company more than his... and she cant find her feelings for him anymore, though she knows she still has it...

not like i am pushing her to leave him, i never. i am just happy to be ard... we are having fun and enjoying each other's company... she knows it and i know it too... but she is always in such a total state of denial that she keeps humping on the fact that she has a bf... think its serving its purpose of reminding herself of who she was... think she is caught in a struggle... me and him, who to choose. at the moment its him, she cant bear to leave him and hurt him but yet enjoys my company more... this reminds me of the saying "sleeping in the east and eating in the west" She is just "zui ying xing luan", i know, but its just been a dilemma for me as well, cos i really feel like a third party here, something which i hate to happen on myself, but yet i am doing it... i'm questioning myself, which set of belief should i adopt? fight for your love or if she is happy den i am happy... the worse thing is she is showing signs... so should i stay with her and wait? or should i fade away in the background...? i really dunno what to do...

isnt love suppose to be simple? i realise that i have been getting myself into a lot of this kind of shit recently... maybe i am a failure at love... really... it just sucks lah, the whole feeling... She said she is still finding out about me... she doesn know if i can support her in the future or what and she likes man who knows what they want and they are focus.. well, i had so wanted to tell her what i planned but i suppose it would appear absurd, so i keep it to myself... no point, for it would appear to be like an attempt to get into her good books... but being fun to be with doesn't mean that i dun think deeper than that... in fact i thought even earlier and has already done something about it... I wish there could be an answer to this now... she is confused as i am, i'm sure... I hate love when this kind of things happen...

i will post again tonight... its kristian's last night on B4... nostalgia again...