She said...
She said…
Haven been here in while.. my flights have been jammed packed… and I been to a few nice places like Johannesburg and Manchester which I haven’t blogged yet… not that I am not intending to… but I feel that this post takes precedent above the rest…
Waking up this morning at 5am without having to work is pretty torturous… considering that I just came back from Manchester yesterday and I am flying off to Rome tonight. But the fact that I am meeting her makes it all the more sweeter and more bearable… I haven’t seen her in almost a week since we got together in Johannesburg on 19th Aug. I don’t know I am a fool or I am being just silly, how could I indulge myself in believing that two can end up together after doing just 1 flight together and hardly friends to begin with… but it did happen… I like her… and according to her, she likes me as well…
Her life seems complicated… with all the past relationships and the controversies surrounding her, am I being silly to fall in love with her. In Manchester, my own mind was about her, wondering how she is and things like that… the normal stuff that a bf would wonder about a gf… even more so when she practically disappeared on me without replying smses or picking up calls. Gloominess clouds my mind, I being to wander if she is regretting our decision to begin, afterall everything happened in a whirlwind and I mean everything…being friends, dating to getting attached all happened in that few days… super condensed, super summary…
Somehow my worst fears came true… my sixth sense for this kinda jeopardy in bgr is always damn accurate… just like in the past with Maria… she told me that she felt everything happened too fast, she like me but she doesn’t want us to end up like her past relationships where there wasn’t any solid foundation to fall back on… she doesn’t wanna lose me as a friend, not like she want to treat me as a friend but she doesn’t want everything to end there if the relationship doesn’t work out… she said she is apprehensive because she is very playful now, she is not ready for a relationship. Lingering in her, are the post effects of the last relationship, she thought she had gotten over it while we were together in JNB, but after she came back to Singapore, when she is all alone again, she felt it coming back and partly cos of that she doesn’t want to be a gf who cannot totally commit to me. Holding her back is also the fact that she is going to Melbourne to study. She is going to leave on the first week of oct, 4th or 5th Oct, gonna be there for a year. I guess she doesn’t trust long distance relationship. She said that she doesn’t want to be a gf who doesn’t tell anything to me cos we don’t have a friendship to begin with, she wants to be someone who can talk everything to me, from the most crap topics to anything serious. She wants to be fair to me, doesn’t want to hurt me and wants to be fair to herself as well. It will be better if we start off as friends again, and see how things progress from there… I can see where she is coming from and I fully understand that, I think I like her enough to say that I don’t wanna lose her after being together with her.. albeit such a short time.
She asked: “what do you like about me?” at that point of time, I could only tell her… “feeling lor” but now, I can tell her that her cheerful disposition, bubbly nature, candidness and her sweet smile brightens me up, though I dunno much about her, I am observing and learning about her. Originally, today my intention was to ask her to maintain our r/s and we try to develop from there, but she told me that she might run away and hide from me if I press her too much. That brought a smile on my face, cos I see myself in her… I saw what I would do or what I did in what she said… she said she is not ready… and from that moment, I relented… I couldn’t bear the thought of losing her in the long term, I would rather take the risk to be her friend for now, to woo her all over again, just like brand new… give her the confidence to tide over what happened and to believe in me…to trust in me that I will love her and protect her, I can come to terms with her past, simply because I think I really fallen for her…
I am sure that she has no lack of suitors, I guess all I can do is to go after her like a boy who found a girl he likes and tries to win her heart…. If it has to be like in the movies 50 first dates, so be it… I think I have set my heart on it… Yes, it is a heartbreak now… but there is something more important that I have to do now, that is to win her heart and give her the confidence and reassurance that things will be able to work out…
At the very least, she wants to talk to me and before leaving, she ask me to sms her when I reach home… is that a sign of care and concern? I really hope so… cos she forgo meeting her mum who is leaving this morning to LA to have breakfast with me… I certainly hope things are picking up…
Haven been here in while.. my flights have been jammed packed… and I been to a few nice places like Johannesburg and Manchester which I haven’t blogged yet… not that I am not intending to… but I feel that this post takes precedent above the rest…
Waking up this morning at 5am without having to work is pretty torturous… considering that I just came back from Manchester yesterday and I am flying off to Rome tonight. But the fact that I am meeting her makes it all the more sweeter and more bearable… I haven’t seen her in almost a week since we got together in Johannesburg on 19th Aug. I don’t know I am a fool or I am being just silly, how could I indulge myself in believing that two can end up together after doing just 1 flight together and hardly friends to begin with… but it did happen… I like her… and according to her, she likes me as well…
Her life seems complicated… with all the past relationships and the controversies surrounding her, am I being silly to fall in love with her. In Manchester, my own mind was about her, wondering how she is and things like that… the normal stuff that a bf would wonder about a gf… even more so when she practically disappeared on me without replying smses or picking up calls. Gloominess clouds my mind, I being to wander if she is regretting our decision to begin, afterall everything happened in a whirlwind and I mean everything…being friends, dating to getting attached all happened in that few days… super condensed, super summary…
Somehow my worst fears came true… my sixth sense for this kinda jeopardy in bgr is always damn accurate… just like in the past with Maria… she told me that she felt everything happened too fast, she like me but she doesn’t want us to end up like her past relationships where there wasn’t any solid foundation to fall back on… she doesn’t wanna lose me as a friend, not like she want to treat me as a friend but she doesn’t want everything to end there if the relationship doesn’t work out… she said she is apprehensive because she is very playful now, she is not ready for a relationship. Lingering in her, are the post effects of the last relationship, she thought she had gotten over it while we were together in JNB, but after she came back to Singapore, when she is all alone again, she felt it coming back and partly cos of that she doesn’t want to be a gf who cannot totally commit to me. Holding her back is also the fact that she is going to Melbourne to study. She is going to leave on the first week of oct, 4th or 5th Oct, gonna be there for a year. I guess she doesn’t trust long distance relationship. She said that she doesn’t want to be a gf who doesn’t tell anything to me cos we don’t have a friendship to begin with, she wants to be someone who can talk everything to me, from the most crap topics to anything serious. She wants to be fair to me, doesn’t want to hurt me and wants to be fair to herself as well. It will be better if we start off as friends again, and see how things progress from there… I can see where she is coming from and I fully understand that, I think I like her enough to say that I don’t wanna lose her after being together with her.. albeit such a short time.
She asked: “what do you like about me?” at that point of time, I could only tell her… “feeling lor” but now, I can tell her that her cheerful disposition, bubbly nature, candidness and her sweet smile brightens me up, though I dunno much about her, I am observing and learning about her. Originally, today my intention was to ask her to maintain our r/s and we try to develop from there, but she told me that she might run away and hide from me if I press her too much. That brought a smile on my face, cos I see myself in her… I saw what I would do or what I did in what she said… she said she is not ready… and from that moment, I relented… I couldn’t bear the thought of losing her in the long term, I would rather take the risk to be her friend for now, to woo her all over again, just like brand new… give her the confidence to tide over what happened and to believe in me…to trust in me that I will love her and protect her, I can come to terms with her past, simply because I think I really fallen for her…
I am sure that she has no lack of suitors, I guess all I can do is to go after her like a boy who found a girl he likes and tries to win her heart…. If it has to be like in the movies 50 first dates, so be it… I think I have set my heart on it… Yes, it is a heartbreak now… but there is something more important that I have to do now, that is to win her heart and give her the confidence and reassurance that things will be able to work out…
At the very least, she wants to talk to me and before leaving, she ask me to sms her when I reach home… is that a sign of care and concern? I really hope so… cos she forgo meeting her mum who is leaving this morning to LA to have breakfast with me… I certainly hope things are picking up…
posted by EniGmAtiC NoStaLgiA at 8/28/2008 10:23:00 AM
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