lonely christmas....

everyone seemed to be very busy over these 2 days... having christmas parties... going out with loved ones... hanging around in town... going clubbing... but me.. I just cooped myself at home... its the first christmas that i stayed home in years... i dunno... i just dun feel like going out or maybe perhaps its because i wasn't in anyone's plans... now thats a sad thought, even worse if its a reality...

Feliz Navidad is supposed to mean merry christmas, in hebrew or something... something which i learnt on sunday noon when i visited city harvest's christmas service on jingting's invitation. my first visit to church in a long time as well... partly also to give her face, cos she has been asking me to visit for a long time. its pretty much the same as fcbc, dunno why did i hate it in the past... maybe cos of the misconceptions, the rumours or something... but upon this visit, it didnt seemed as bad as it sounded... i'm glad this visit dispelled an ongoing rumour... surprised to see irene there...

caught the tiger beer advert during my time at home... yiming was in it... hahs.. that girl, slowly gaining popularity, maybe its time for showbiz for her... good luck girl...

Christmas is suppose to be a season for sharing and loving, weird that i feel lonely, not to say torn as well... D is back, i've been in contact with her for the past few days, chatting a bit here and there... she's someone whom i think i feel like protecting, caring for... but yet at the same time, i'm afraid... really afraid of falling short, afraid for being rejected, afraid of being hurt... does she know? i think she might have the faintest idea that i got positive vibes about her... she seeks her solace in me, complains to me, looks for caring from me while she was overseas... that is my side of the story... i remembered that big bro always tells me that i should have confidence in myself, and i am a very desirable person that most girls would like... how true is it? i really dunno... i doubt my ownself, own abilities, i know what i can do, what i am capable of... but when i face her... i feel that i am falling short, maybe its because we are from two different worlds... her lifestyle and mine is different... maybe things will work out if given time, then comes another question... can i wait? or should i move on... i know i will regret if i don't even try... but i fear at the same time... sigh...

babe, where are you??? babe is too busy dating, she has found her true love alas...
sweetie... is away at a tournament...

lonely christmas...