Heart vs Head

follow the heart or follow the head?
they say love is a funny thing.. that drives pple crazy and it defies logic... for me now, things are getting complicated... i think we are liking each other... enjoying each other's company... but she cant let go of him too... i'm like a third party who shouldnt be ard... but yet i wanna fight for my own love and happiness... i'm contradictory? i think so... i used to loathe third party and never believe in becoming one... but recently, i thot i know how third parties feel... for some, i think they are just being asses... but for some its really hapless... after realising that, i became one myself... a hapless one that is...

everynight, we would brooch the same topic... she doesnt wanna see me hurt and all... i think she loves me enuff for that not to happen.. but its ironic.. i choose this path too... to love her and care for her... but yet i feel sad when i see her with her bf.. maybe my preparations are not strong enuff... or maybe my love has exceeded that... Viv gave me 2 choices, to give up or to wait... its head vs heart... at the moment.. i chose heart... to be fair to her, she is trying to uphold her promise that she made to him, that is to not be the one who first raise the issue of breaking up... and she still has some feelings for him.. inevitably.. he is making some efforts to salvage the situation.. she is appreciative... i dunno where to be... in agony...

i think i am getting a new digicam... olympus.. from Jan, jan is leaving soon... 590 bucks.. its cool and nice... slim and light and has many features too... tmr is my marquis recognition ceremony, promotion to be a shareholder... anyone would gladly exchange their position with me... but i'm a unhappy marquis bogged down by affairs of the heart... i just suck at these things... i better start on my swimming coaching soon too... time to earn more money... but i rather have my dear...

at this moment of time, i wish i am riding a horse to the top of a mountain in NZ, where the field is lush and the sun is shining with the breeze blowing.. or standing at the top of a commercial building in Japan or Korea or Europe at night with all the lights around me... and the strong wind blowing... carrying away my troubles... things are not in my hand now... i can only wait and see...

PS.. if anyone is reading... nominate me for sportsman of the year please... i feel unappreciated for what i have given... maybe its because i feel down... that i crave for recognitions.. i'm a sucker.. tts what i am...