Milano Malpenza Jan09 - a heartbreaker
this was suppose to be a some sort of "honeymoon trip" for us... we were grateful that things has been kind to us that i managed to come to this flight to be with her. things turn for worse before the flight...
the original itinerary was to tour ard milan and pop over to romantic venice... but this was spoilt by few other colleagues who wanted to follow... leaving me no private time with her... that was still ok until someone keep hogging her for photos... which left me really angry indeed... given the turn of events before this trip... this trip has become extremely crucial in salvaging our r/s. but with all these happening, it only spelled the end for us...
everynight, when we talked on msn, we were always talking about us... things that we couldnt say to each other when we are together cos there are too many people around. it was such a torture, cos i come back facing heartache every night. to make things worse, she cannot talk to me face to face over these issues, i absolutely hate msn in this sense cos it sets us drifting apart...
she told me she is contemplating going back to him cos he has done a lot for her and she feels that she owes him a lot... this was exactly what i feared most... the past memories playing a part in her decision, memories is something which i dun have with her... its a luxury that i dun get to enjoy... time factor not on my side... i know i am fighting a losing battle in this sense yet i am hapless to do anything about it... it sucks to be me... all the haplessness and hurt in me... she say she cannot get over the fact that i am 1 year younger than her... she says he gives up a lot for her and changes a lot for her, he knows how to cheer her up when she is down, is very knowledgeable and has many contacts around him but all these are established over time when she knows him better, there wasnt any chance of me showing it... its totally unfair, knowing her it wun sink into her.. how does she knows that i am not willing to give up things for her, i dun have contacts and i am not knowledgeable?? we hardly have time together... which is severely handicapped and unfair for me... she is too blinded to see things from another perspective, that he divorced a woman to wanna be with her... maybe he was even seeing her behind his wife's back, that i didnt know... if he can do it once, its possible that he do it again.. but i dun wish to see her get hurt, and of course i couldnt bring myself to tell her this... love is blind afterall... im fighting a war in me...
as much as i want her to be happy, objectively i cant help it but feel that she is going back to him cos of guilt... i hate to admit it but i have grown attached to her... for who she is, independent, driven, focused and all.. on a selfish note, a really selfish note, i wish she can come back to me... i really wish so...
this honeymoon has become a heartbreak trip for me... a painful place to come... i hope the next milan will be a happier trip, maybe i will visit Pisa, chinque terra, verona or even sicilly...
right now, i have to try to come to terms with this... somehow...
the original itinerary was to tour ard milan and pop over to romantic venice... but this was spoilt by few other colleagues who wanted to follow... leaving me no private time with her... that was still ok until someone keep hogging her for photos... which left me really angry indeed... given the turn of events before this trip... this trip has become extremely crucial in salvaging our r/s. but with all these happening, it only spelled the end for us...
everynight, when we talked on msn, we were always talking about us... things that we couldnt say to each other when we are together cos there are too many people around. it was such a torture, cos i come back facing heartache every night. to make things worse, she cannot talk to me face to face over these issues, i absolutely hate msn in this sense cos it sets us drifting apart...
she told me she is contemplating going back to him cos he has done a lot for her and she feels that she owes him a lot... this was exactly what i feared most... the past memories playing a part in her decision, memories is something which i dun have with her... its a luxury that i dun get to enjoy... time factor not on my side... i know i am fighting a losing battle in this sense yet i am hapless to do anything about it... it sucks to be me... all the haplessness and hurt in me... she say she cannot get over the fact that i am 1 year younger than her... she says he gives up a lot for her and changes a lot for her, he knows how to cheer her up when she is down, is very knowledgeable and has many contacts around him but all these are established over time when she knows him better, there wasnt any chance of me showing it... its totally unfair, knowing her it wun sink into her.. how does she knows that i am not willing to give up things for her, i dun have contacts and i am not knowledgeable?? we hardly have time together... which is severely handicapped and unfair for me... she is too blinded to see things from another perspective, that he divorced a woman to wanna be with her... maybe he was even seeing her behind his wife's back, that i didnt know... if he can do it once, its possible that he do it again.. but i dun wish to see her get hurt, and of course i couldnt bring myself to tell her this... love is blind afterall... im fighting a war in me...
as much as i want her to be happy, objectively i cant help it but feel that she is going back to him cos of guilt... i hate to admit it but i have grown attached to her... for who she is, independent, driven, focused and all.. on a selfish note, a really selfish note, i wish she can come back to me... i really wish so...
this honeymoon has become a heartbreak trip for me... a painful place to come... i hope the next milan will be a happier trip, maybe i will visit Pisa, chinque terra, verona or even sicilly...
right now, i have to try to come to terms with this... somehow...
posted by EniGmAtiC NoStaLgiA at 1/19/2009 02:17:00 PM
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