super sian diaoz

sighh...
i think i am not meant to lend people things...
not that my friends are spoiling it intentionally but i dunno... they don't seem to take care of it as if its their own... maybe cos its just not their own items i guess...

Jan: lent patrick my car to move his stuff back before going for exchange...
results: patrick crashed my car...

Mar: lent marcus my beloved Olympus camera today, specifically telling him to be careful, i trusted him cos its not the first time he borrowed anyway.
results: he dropped my camera and it got badly scratched... battery flap got broken...

guys... i guess u can't blame me for being selfish anymore...

Tribute to Dancers

to all dancers whom has been part of DP 0506, 0607 and DU 0607...

i wished i could list all your names down but sadly i cant... not that i cannot remember anyone but it would be great injustice to leave anyone out accidentally...
thank you for the bonds, the late nites practices, the times we shared, the laughter, the tears, the stress, the emo moments, the cream puffs... i won't get a chance at them anymore... i cherish each and everyone of you as all of you has left something in my heart which i will hold on to till the day i die...

if memories could be canned, would they have expiry dates? if so, i hope they last forever...

Dance Uncensored 0607

Asked to perform June's Dance again at Uncensored... most of us agreed readily... thou it would mean sacrificing precious sleeping time or supposed essay writing time for dance practices... but no one seemed to mind... at least, for me dance takes precedence above all these... there was no doubt that i will agree to the dance... school work or essays, nothing comes close. and now, came to the end of it, gladly so... no regrets!! honestly... even though its a weekend burnt.. its more than well worth it.

only 2 practices preceded the bump in and performance... to refresh our memories.. luckily it came back quickly enough thou... although the tidiness was lacking a little but we felt stronger for the dance than ever before. the special bond of being fellow dancers and ambassadors to be one of the most intriguing dance and arguably one of the best dance to come out from Eusoff, is something which each and everyone of us will hold dear to our hearts. the original dance cast - xilin, margie, freda, siding, jaclyn, ester, vivi, melissa, elfie, shayne, ali, ruisheng, guojun, andrew, najiah, joseph, sara, janicia. thou some of you guys sat this out... but i salute you and thank you for being part of my memories of being this dance. truly 100% certified ambassadors of june's item. i think this dance caused an uproar within the dance fraternity in nus if i am allowed to exaggerate it a little, but i feel that its well deserved that praise... cos outside professional choreos and dancers liked the dance and they termed it as a league above all the rest of the dances which they saw tonite at uncensored. good eh June?? we din let you down.

the day leading up to the event was hilarious and littered with funny happenings. everyone being late for the reporting, to the dressing room changing in the wardrobes incidents. plus wanyu, julia, yijun, and jac playing the dup dup game where wanyu was the self-proclaimed dup dup queen. and the fast food game which saw wanyu and julia and xilin shrieking at the top of their voice. freakingly funny...

we had a tech run first and full dressed rehearsal... we videoed it down and tried to spot our mistakes and the things that we can improve on... we knew we were rusty but we were trying to make the most of it. i think thats wat set us apart from other halls... we demand the best from ourselves and we have a lot of pride in our dances. the funniest was when we saw all our mistakes and we tried to re-enact how june would react... it was seriously damn funny... cos all the quotes that we used were actually what she used on us. "HOW DARE YOU!!!" when she was really pissed!! her sudden outburst of laughter. her stern face. "june will scream at you, i tell you", june will be watching in the audience. june will be screaming her head off at the lighting. june will be very angry if the music is cut too early. june will be roaring with laughter if she see shayne trying to do an ali... june will faint if she hear us or see us trying to imitate her... that was the best part of the day... too bad i din manage to catch that down in video den we are all have a good laugh at it. Not forgetting the crazy spray glitter like mad session... glitter everyone and anywhere.. until the whole changing room got gold glitter floating all around.

the other 2 items did have hot receptions as well.. cos our girls are hot and pretty and include sexy too. people just associate us with quality dancing seriously, and there were rave comments of our dances outshining other halls and people asking if this is eusoff hall performance. i think that said enough of our performances today. thou we know there were glitches here and there but we know the rest of the story.

not so much fotos this time... more like enjoying the company of the people... cos this is seriously my last dance already... and i believe its the last time that june's item will be performed again. our fans can truly take a well deserved rest from all the flapping, opening, dropping... it will be hung on my wall at home, possibly with all the signatures of my fellow june's "HOW DARE YOU!!" dancers. Just as i was telling andrew... i will really miss dance and all my fellow dancers, somehow we are just very tight. something which i wun experience ever again. den i think again, it was a befitting farewell... ambassador to one of the best dance ever in eusoff, dancing on the very same stage which started my dance career at Dance Uncensored to rapturous applause 4 times in the dance itself, not including the wolf whistles and cheers at curtain-call, not like i could ask for anything more about it.

for now... i am seriously tired... need some sleep but i couldnt postponed writing this as i am feeling it now. we did a cheer which June will die laughing before the dance. instead of the usual june's dancers, Whoosh! we had.....
"HOW DARE YOU!!! WHOOSSH!!!!"

this is the last time....

As DnD drew to a close last night... it marked an end to my glittering hall life... i'm glad i went in the end... though it was pretty much last minute, with no ideas in mind... we decided to dress up as taliban rebels... we were the centre of attraction until pillay and co. came dressed up as wrestlers... fittingly, they won the best dressed (Wrestlers are restless)... the effort they put in to make the costumes... seriously, i give it to them... my dear B3 girls came in towels only... under the theme of wax and robes. I am still adamant that we would have easily won best-dressed if we went as spartans... barney and alvin din wanna part with the money... so no choice...

vijay did a sweet thing by acknowledging the graduating seniors on stage... probably, he knew that he will never get such a bunch of seniors who has dedicated so much and sacrificed so much for the hall anymore. probably disappointed at how some of the current batch of year 2s and year 1s level of commitment and they willingness to work for the hall... times has changed i guess. i'm at least proud to say i am graduating as a eusoffian who has gone through everything... ok, maybe minus ehoc... i had taken my tour of duties as a hall member... think the only regret is rejecting the post of vice president last year and as a sports director of arts fac... no emo moments last nite... cos its too nonsense and crappy an occassion. the videos are lousy... so to speak... only slightly better than last year's... if not for being last year in hall and for friends, think more than half the people present last night wouldnt have gone. thats how bad the dnd comm is this year...

the night saw manbeer and rongzhu crowned as pageant winners... pillay, naj and lorr sportsman and sportswoman of the year... and xiaoyan as eusoffian of the year. thou its rather dubious how the awards came about as xiaoyan did nothing this year... pillay had already won the award before and shudnt be crowned again.. but still i guess its all the past contributions which led to this... but pillay really played well in this year's ihg... so i have to give it to him...

at the end of it all, seeing people vacating the ballroom... it spells an end to a wonderful 3 years in hall... wished i can stay longer... wished there is something to hold me back... but i've had my time... last few weeks in this place i called home...

this is the last time....

Pissed off

I'm so farking pissed off... my dive trip was cancelled... han cancelled it cos he got too damn pissed off waiting for people to reply to his mail and confirm the details and the trip with him. Seriously, i think it was some miscommunication cos me and vivi thot it was just an email from him informing us or what to prepare and the details of the revision session. we were still asking the rest of the people wat time to meet today and how are we getting down to the place... but nobody bothers to pick up their farking phone or even reply except ben.

i tried calling han and smsed him, think he is too pissed off to talk too.. he din reply until this morning. it was a genuine case of misunderstanding of his intentions and i can understand his frustrations when he took so much time off to plan for the trip for us and arrange everything so that we can have our revision session and theory session for advance dives. i would blow my top too if i were him. i felt terrible and apologised profusely, the dive resumed but only with him, ben and ashok... i am in no mood to go anymore.. with so few people... vivi doesnt wanna go cos she is the only girl... jit, luke, weijian and chowchow, plus lorr, siding, wingkit and gang simply disappeared... i dunno what the fark happened to them. it totally spoilt my mood last night cos i was so looking forward to the dive.... a getaway which i really needed...

Dnd is on friday... no one really bothers to get together to decide on anything, in the end its gonna be just so screwed... and i am sick and tired of asking people to come together to talk and decide. even if we did sit down... nothing constructive came out... so fark it lah seriously... the worst thing is that DnD is on sweetie's birthday... dunno wat to get for her... damn it... its just all bad timing and i am feeling pissed for dunno what, things which shouldnt be bothering me...

i'm pissed with my project mates too... the essay was haywire... they keep changing things and i dunno what the project is about anymore and they just throw me stuff to read and write. how the fark am i suppose to know what to write, whats the hypothesis and whats the scope that we are looking at!!! i could really wring people's neck off now...

den last nite... at 2am... thamz jio me to mj... i dunno why the hell i agreed to anyway, missing my sleep when i got essays to complete... wasnt in the best of mood and i wasnt in any mood to play because of what just happened... the dive, the project, the dnd... and i had to take his pissed off face and nonsense of slamming the tiles and throwing the tiles across the table. i dunno why i subject myself to this? moral obligation as a friend? everyone is just pissed off last nite lah... i dun even know why he is pissed... barney is pissed and stressed too cos of submissions and deadlines..

ARGHHHhhHHHHH!!!!!!
B4 short wing is in the wrong sorts of mood today... dun enter unless u wanna be a sandbag or punching bag... seriously.. i wun hesitate to rain a couple of punches...

telescope

taking a breather from my essay when i walked outta my room and into the balcony. saw a couple of stars twinkling in the sky.. i remembered tt day when i saw the constellations - Sagittarius, in the sky with my naked eyes... so cool...

i made a personal promise to buy a telescope so that i can view the stars at night next time...

Dancers' BBQ

its all concluded.... nice food and great company... thou its a night gone with no work done... i guess its all worth it when u see your fellow dancers once more... think i will ask for the photos from freda, i din take any photos cos i dun wanna be too busy snapping shots when i shud be enjoying their company...

watched DP dances over and over again and laughing at everyone's mistakes... it was great fun... the watermelon game came back and lotsa people gamely played... freshies and seniors alike... even xilin, freda, margie and sera played... each of us have to swallow watermelon the size of our fist or even bigger... depending on the mercilessness of the person who dished it out... pity the girls thou, but shouldnt they be better at it? haha...

thams thou not a dancer, joined in, never do anything much but just mixing ard... emo, i would say... he is like me... we miss hall too much knowing that this is our final few weeks... sadness i would say, but knowing to pull ourselves out of it is another thing.

Just finished an emo conversation with Elfie... he is contemplating staying or leaving cos his grades is suffering... but the draw of DP is too big on him.. same as me... major dilemma.. but he gotta make his own decision... i believed i made mine... hopefully, i wun regret... as i would say, DP is like a dream, that no one wants to wake up from... he agreed readily and said it was the most apt description... i think so too... but my dream coming to an end soon... but not yet, i will be doing my last dance yet... Xilin asked me to joined Dance Ensemble.. i jumped on it readily... who can resist the last chance with my fellow dancers... not me...

sigh... why are u sucking me in again? but not that i mind....

realise there is no title for this post?
i din know what to put cos there isn't really any much strong feelings and message in this posting... just the feeling of peacefulness and 2 rather meaningful quotes which i found on lamb lamb's blog...

There's a moment, there's always a moment,
"I can do this, I can give into this, or I can resist it",
and I don't know when your moment was, but I bet there was one.
-Closer

it may well be that we will never meet again in this lifetime
so let me say this before we part -
so much of me is made of what i learnt from you
you'll be with me like a handprint on my heart
and now whatever way our stories end
i know you have rewritten mine...

made me sit down and stare back into my life for a while... i think this pretty much applies to most people out there... be it the moments that we wished we grabbed or who left their handprints in our heart...

Below is Joshua Radin's Closer.... highly meaningful and pretty smoothing...
a good listen... thanks lamb...

Joshua Radin - Closer
so, we're alone again
i wish it were over
we seem to never end
only get closer
to the point where i can take no more

the clouds in your eyes
down your face they pour
won't you be the new one burn to shine
i take the blue ones every time
walk me down your broken line
all you have to do is cry

hush my baby now
your talking is just noise and won't lay me down amongst
your toys in a room where i can take no more

the clouds in your eyes
down your face they pour
won't you be the new one burn to shine
i take the blue ones every time
walk me down your broken line
all you have to do is cry

photographs and brightly colored paper
are your mask you wear in this caper
that is our life
we walk right into the strife
and a tear from your eye brings me home

the clouds in your eyes
down your face they pour
won't you be the new one burn to shine
i take the blue ones every time
walk me down your broken line
all you have to do is cry

Trustworthiness

How much can one trust each other?
family members and friends? the people we hold so dear... like the saying go, those closest to you hurt you the most... sadly, i experienced that a couple of times in my life...

funnily, today's lecture this topic came up again in my understanding emotions lecture though its suppose to be more of business and real life context. it hold as much truth as compared to other aspects of life. Thou the conditions favours X more than Y but the objective of the game was for all 4 groups to win against the banker.

Conditions:
4X's, everyone loses $1
1X 3Y's, X gains $3 & Y lose $1 each
2X's 2Y's, X gains $2 each & Y lose $2 each
3X's 1Y, X gains $1 each & Y lose $3
4Y's, everyone gains $1 each

pretty obvious that the system favours X more, but the objective of the game was for everyone to gain against the banker. Discussion was allowed for each individual group to collaborate with each other and to maximise profits. It was a game of trust and integrity. 1 group was obviously very selfish and put X all the way, cos there will be some people who are willing to put faith in the so-called "promises". Some, naively put Y and got manipulated by those who chose to break the promise. each group took turns to play each other out in this game of wits which ensue. But in reality, it was a game of mistrust and manipulation of minds, something which happens in our everyday life. Our so-called friends in the various groups though promised to put Y, ended up putting X in order to gain advantage over others. Familiar? I'm sure it has happened somewhere and somehow in one part of life or another.

6 rounds of the game was played and only in the last round that group stepped out of their selfishness after much coercion and that was not enough cos they were still contemplating playing all the rest of the 3 groups out to gain more for themselves and put the rest in negatives. Talk about trust eh? Sometimes it gets so frustrating when u see people so selfish... so untrusting that its so difficult to get things done... but yet at the same time, its understandable why they are doing that cos maybe at one point of time or another, we might be forced to do the same thing and making the same kind of selfish decision.

Makes people wonder eh? how trustworthy our friends can be and how many times have we actually been betrayed but yet we dunno...

IHG & DP Closing

the last of it all... victory supper in some sense for a smashing DP but a disappointing IHG season thou we won the guy's title...
food was good... pastry was nice... the usual funny awards given out... and a not too bad IHG concluding video... DP's video kana virus.. so din get to watch... there was the emo speech by the graduating old birds... i was one of them...
flashback: seems like yesterday only when i was in my first year IHG... listening to old pple like whiston, tom, sham etc giving speech... blinker of an eye... 3 years on and i am the one on stage sharing my thoughts... time flies doesnt it... end of my competitive career... end of my dancing life... looking at the juniors, i think i didnt do a good job as a senior passing down values and spirit of the hall... i was dwelling in yesterday years and engrossing myself in my own company of friends...

pity... emo moments aplenty as graduating pple like me, derrick, thams, pillay, ranjan, xiaoyan, sianghui, naj, meng, wingkit and even the shy kimberly had more than 2 cents worth of thoughts to share... plenty of pple missing of course, like lorraine, siding, noel etc... i guess we will miss hall, the people, the bonds, the things we do, the memories we share, sweat, tears... we really will...

sayoz Eusoff...