Friday, February 22, 2008

A piece of me has been ripped away...

Sasa finally contacted me today... she said shes been really busy with school work, working at the same time and interviews all... which explains why...

i was really happy to be talking to her after missing her for so long... until she mentioned that its gonna be tough to meet up cos of her tight schedule and partly also because she is attached now... when i heard that...

i actually felt lost... as if someone has ripped a piece of me away from my heart... now then i realise how much i have been missing her and how much i like her... its certainly more than what i thought as mere liking... not to mention that she is cute and highly entertaining, there was never a dull moment with her as i will be always anticipating whats the next moment which comes as a surprise...

after that through the conversation, i realised that she had lost her phone. so all my calls and smses to her throughout this period of time for the past 3 months, she didnt receive them... God knows what would have happened if she has received them, especially when things were budding in HK, when i visited her twice there.. i've been twisted and tortured by fate..

i guess i have only myself to blame... for being so passive... i miss her, i do.. i really do...
i wish one day, i can type this as my own true reflection, not as something which i copied from somewhere else, thinking that its meaningful...

No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free

To admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind

I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back at a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo

Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you

Thursday, February 21, 2008

I Amsterdam

Amsterdam.... Venice of the North... is indeed one of the most interesting places visited so far...

thank god for a crazy bunch of colleagues, minus a certain someone... the trip has been highly fun and entertaining... except the working part of course. the freezing weather certainly adds on to the feel of cold winter - i like!!!

Home of Total football... Orange army... been wanting to know whats there to visit besides the windmills and the tulips fields. but its the wrong season, so theres no tulips... sadness..

luckily, jin and shanice were first timers... armed with a map and some vague instructions, we set off in search of Madurodam, the little people world. after some misadventures, we ended up in Rotterdam and had to take a train back to Den Haag. Actually, the works are all very exquisite... and beautiful... but the place is pretty small thou nice... in an hour, we completed the whole place... and off to we set to Zaandijk, in search of our windmills...

reaching there, we could smell chocolate in the air, must be a chocolate factory nearby... the lush of the countryside was endearing, with rivers, sheeps, goats, ducks roaming free... we came across a couple of people walking their horses and couldnt resist taking photos with them. there, we found the traditional wooden shoes factory (clogs as we chinese would call it) and the cheese factory.. the cheese is heavenly... in my opinion, its even better than those that we serve. that marks the end of the day as we board the little ship back to the train station to get back to Amsterdam.

we did some shopping and visiting at the central area in the previous day, the square was particularly happening, lotsa tourists and people ard, beautiful ancients buildings. and i particularly like a red long sleeve "I Amsterdam" tshirt, but din manage to get it. i shall get it next time. manage to visit the famous red light district with the girls soliciting thru the windows, some extremely pretty while others extremely fat. the girls dared me to try for them, which i cringed and back off.. haha... its interesting to see men opening their doors and negotiating a price and some of them stepped in for the business... such an interesting lifestyle.

din managed to try the weeds or spacecakes thou i would very much like to. think i shall find chance to try the next time i visit. but i manage to steal a deal and got a pair of zara jeans at 12 sing dollars.. haha.. wat a steal man.. happy happy...

Agenda for next Amsterdam visit:
1) Visit the Ajax Stadium
2) take the river cruise
3) visit the museums
4) buy my "I Amsterdam" tshirt
5) try spacecakes and shopping

Thursday, February 14, 2008

All I wanna do is find a way back into love...

its just a simple post to mark this Valentine's day... home alone, no gf, no dates... no nothing.. not bitter... not sore.. not envious... or am i?

past few days of being in hermit made me thought things through about what has been happening in my life, what i have achieved. Suddenly i realised that what i had achieved is a far cry of my own ambitions, but its something that i think i am going to work towards for. my own business and properties overseas... that i will never give up. But emotions-wise has been a huge void so far, i dunno if its me or have i lost faith in love, that i dun believe in love anymore. after what happened few years ago, i have never been able to bring myself to really love someone and care for someone to the same extent ever again. Maybe there is just a protective sheath that i am hiding myself behind, afraid to love, afraid to get hurt again...

some events over the past week made me realise that i treasure my friends a lot, misunderstandings between friends, protecting friends from harm, not being given a chance to explain and not knowing the roots of the problems... which i guess makes human interaction more difficult that it really seemed to be.

i came across this from my friend's blog, a post by her though not depicting my life, but i see similarities in it...

"i finally understand. as we grow older, as we reach different stages of our lives, we become wiser, and we see things differently. in the past, i was willful and stubborn. i always wanted things my way. i thought that as long as i am not doing something 'wrong', i should be allowed to do it, despite how it would make other people feel. but now i realised that things don't always work this way. i realised that sometimes persistence can lead to someone else's unhappiness and discomfort. and if that someone is precious and important enough to you, you would not risk anything in the world to jeopardise the relationship. because losing this precious thing, is far more scarier than losing your pride...

you would handle it with care, like you're treading on a piece of very thin ice, afraid that a wrong step would crack this piece of ice and cause you to lose it all irrevocably."

a simple post which touches me greatly, cos it made me reflect upon myself...
i am wondering why a certain someone doesnt reply me ever since she came back from HK, is she busy? is she avoiding me? have i done her any wrong? i just wanna know the reason... No, i dont love her as yet, but at least she is the first one whom i can say that i like and i care for after so long, not expecting anything from her but just a chance to get to know her better as a friend. and secretly, i have been waiting for a response from her, through my many smses and messages in msn.

why is it so hard for me? am i destined to miss my love this life?
just watched Shakespeare in love today, sometimes shows like this made me feel like living in olden times, maybe i was from there previous life...

all i wanna do is to find a way back into love...

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Osaka Feb 2008

came to this flight on the back of the chinese new year.. which i missed the first 2 days cos of my work in abu dhabi... no choice i guess, considering that i am still a servant to money, having to work to earn my keeps. not that i am complaining, but i am still enjoying myself travelling the world. My second time to Osaka in 2 months, i love this place... u can gimme japan anytime i will do it... i just love this country... still got tokyo, nagoya and fukuoka to conquer.. of course other places as well but for my flight duties, i have only been to narita and osaka so far...

this flight has been fun with a good boss to work with, keith as well, i flew with him before, super nice guy... Reiko and Naomi are like batch girls to me cos our batches are so close together, we clicked quite well... Reiko especially is extremely cute with her way of speaking, i must say i am captivated... but she is taken of course... Naomi graduated like 2 weeks before me... so coincidental... flight is certainly fun with the 2 of them ard...

overnight flights to japan is a simply waste of time and energy for us cos we will spend the rest of the day catching our sleep and no time to go exploring... Osaka is pretty famous for shopping with famed places like Shi Sai Ba Shi and Nam Ba and Ebi Ba Shi... i managed a couple of hours of sleep before heading out... and i found the fresh food wet market that Miss Lim was telling me about, but by the time i got there, the food is not so fresh anymore and the crowd has dwindled... no more freshly sliced salmon for me, nevertheless, i proceeded to indulge in the lively human crowds just a few streets away, with the thot of grabbing some street food and munch along the way. managed to find the famous osaka cheesecake (Rikuro's) which i missed out the other time. and can u believe it, despite my visits to japan so far, i haven managed to eat a single piece of sushi... oh dear me...

with nothing in mind to buy, i was just roaming ard looking for anything that interest me... heaven wasnt too kind as it begin to pour, almost cutting short my trip but decided to be merciful in the end... bought some pastries to bring home to try. i was told that it was snowing just 3 days earlier... this time round... walking ard aimlessly in the crowded streets gave me time to think... to think about what i wanted and what really happen to me recently... thou i had people ard me, it really felt lonely, like i am all alone in this place full of strangers... i tried the mos burger here, afterall its originated from japan, indeed it taste so much better as compared to those in singapore.

i always harboured a thinking of working in HK cos i always felt very at home there, perhaps that i can start my own business there or working in some MNC. thats something that i am considering, and now suddenly it struck me that i can do that in Japan as well, not like i didnt think of it, but to really come to terms with it was another thing altogether, i think working in japan is now something that i can picture myself doing, so it has become realistic... i can bring in some singapore brands into japan, it shud cause a stir, maybe ya kun kaya toast or maybe prata? or i can be a linguist or something, translator in english, there is always a market for that job here but for that to happen, i must be able to speak japanese first. think maybe tmr i can ask Reiko or Naomi to teach me, hopefully they will agree, must be able to read kanji as well.

suddenly, amongst the crowd, i saw Reiko... some shopping for her i guess, before "Reeii..." could come out, she was hustling past, seemingly in great hurry, hands full of white bags and brown bags and nike bags. lucky bf of hers... i wudnt mind a gf like her anytime. pretty, cute and considerate and fun... i shall ask her tmr... oh and her birthday is 8 days earlier than mine and she is 1 year younger.

finally decided to head back as i had nothing more to shop, decided against taking train this time as i wanted to see the night life in the streets of osaka... its pretty different from singapore as people here seem to travel by bicycle a lot and plenty of them whizzing me by every now and then. the amazing thing is that they park their bicycles everywhere, making me wonder how come people dun just take them and run away with it, maybe its the honesty of the people and i see some turning some device on their wheels which i presume is a lock, its amazing how japanese can improvise things to make their life so convenient.

nightlife seem more interesting as neon lights all lited up, many of the love hotels that doesnt seem to exist in the day all sprung out at night, not like i seen anyone walking in thou, maybe its still early i guess... interesting interesting aspect of the japanese life. i wudnt mind a pretty japanese gf i think...

walking back is a long walk, but i am enjoying myself as the cold wind made me awake, like i am talking to myself and getting in touch with myself again after seemingly lost in this hectic world.... so many a times, i dun feel like working and wishing that i have a normal 8-5 job, but its moments like these that made me treasure the chance to travel, something which i could never be able to afford. i treasure it. i think i am on the path of wanting to settle down, but i cant find sasa... dunno where she has gone to... simply disappeared... hope she respond soon.. bought some gifts for her, for yoyo and von... still have to meet up with grace mei, xilin, jer-babe, rabbit and ruihan. working again tmr... so tiring, roster is out tmr, hope i get good flights... more japan flights for me please...

despite having gone to quite a few countries, those that i really love are still in Asia, HK, Japan and Korea... yet to been to Taiwan thou, hope i get it soon..

Next visit to Osaka, i shall visit the Osaka Palace, i smell a shopping spree on the cards... think i better bring my cargo bag next time... I love Japan!!! finally found a japan magnet...

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

First trip to Middle-East

wasnt very enthusiastic about this station... Abu Dhabi because it falls on CNY... honestly i wouldnt mind coming to MIddle East anytime.. its a pretty exotic destination.. just because its cny i guess and its a 1 week stay here.. so it gets boring...

i was honestly looking forward to the desert tour, but the weather here kinda changed everything... supposedly a desert is a hot place.. i only brought jeans and tshirt.. turned out that the weather here is cold.. with freaking strong winds.. without shades and proper jackets... it can be quite a torture to go out... its even colder than London. Lucky my crew were nice.. we went out makan and shopping as what crew always do.. the FO joined us.. nice chap and without airs and all.. made friends and exchange numbers.. he keep encouraging me to join the tech crew... which kinda revive my interest in it a bit.. think it might be an option now..

Yiling and Elfi were on the other set of crew... din get to see Elfi thou, but he went for the tour.. think he brought enuff clothes... went out makan and shopping with yiling... she is quite cute when not in uniform.. really like a little girl.. haha.. berkeley.. was the other girl that was quite cute when i saw her in the lounge...

sigh... i really wanna go for the desert tour man... thats my only regret for this trip... maybe i shud have joined Elfi and berkeley today... I must do the desert tour once... thats a note to self... sadness man.. not ard for cny.. lesser red packets and no visitings...

maybe can do the desert tour with cara when we change flight to do dubai-moscow or dubai istanbul next time...