Striking resemblence

Hello Pensieve,

i had just finished my elections comm duty for the morning session... it wasnt much fun having to wake up so early when the rest of the hall are still sleeping... but i was in for a surprise..

Walking into the dining hall at the last min, was this tall, fair, lanky girl... I was dumbstrucked... The way she carried herself, mannerism, character, even her dress sense and the way that she carry her bag was a total resemblence of Maria... She don't exactly look like Maria, but the resemblence is there and the rest of her merely reinforced the facts and covered up for everything... I thought i was staring at Maria again...

Found out form Ben that she is actually from Canada, and she plays bball (just like Maria)... I felt that i had to know her... somehow... just somehow i gotta make friends with her... Maybe I am a little indulging in the past, but its an undeniable fact that Maria was the ex-gf that i doted and loved most... There is a need to blog this immediately... no doubt about it... Oh yah, her name is Jasmine, Jasmine Ang and she stays in E block, E209, directly above my old room....

bleak...

things don't seem to be going well at the moment... i got lots on my hand... first of all, i need to catch up with my studies... need to instill some discipline... seriously...

Baby carol seemed to be ignoring me quite a bit these 2 days... i wonder why, the feeling i get from her is that she doesn't seemed to want to talk to me much... I thot i might not like her enough to get affected too much, in fact, i was wrong, i got pretty affected by it... i wonder why...
what went wrong...

I sprained my ankle today... not too serious but its affecting my games... a point of frustration...
arghhhhh

Keeping up with pace...

Things seemed to be picking up pace as the sem goes on. Regardless its school work, LB or hall life... I almost never had a single moment of time to myself anymore.... my last blog entry? 23rd... thats 5 days ago... I guess thats about the last time where i had time to myself... perhaps its also due to the lack of really eventful things happening in my life... perhaps perhaps... its due to the lethargy to blog.

Freda told me that things are not gonna be easy, in fact its gonna be tricky... She will help in anyway that she could... I am appreciative of that... I was quite bothered by the "stagnanity" or the lack of progress of things... shouldnt have felt that way i guess... I am pretty much confused now...

For school work, its one project down... but 12 more to go... readings are piling up and i haven really settled down to read them... partly due to all the night trainings of sepak that i had. I was drafted into the IVP sepak team. One of the 2 which i had originally planned to join this year... Soccer being the other, but i find that i am no ordinary student. I am one who is trying to strike it out on my own during my school life, time is precious to me... there are things which i had to give up. I am sorry IVP soccer, the trainings are too time consuming and it clashes with my working times.. I could still sneak in some time for sepak thou.

Went for dance auditions too, that is something which i really like to try a lot before i grad... i think its one of the last chances where i had to fulfill a tiny wish to do a dance production... i hope i can get in thou... namelist will be out next week... that will spell even lesser time for me... oh well...

I have to force myself to really sit down and study already, i am running out of time... i can feel it... Kaori was scolding me today. She is like the male version of me... damn a lot of nonsense but very fun to be with... the only difference, she has the discipline to sit down to study... we are getting along quite well even thou we only knew each other for a few days... I wonder whats on the cards... blame it on the crappiness...

I gave Xiao ben ben her bracelet which i bought from HK... and her bday present... the beautiful crystal ornament that glows in the dark... It wasnt until after much teasing and much fiddling with the light glower that she finally found out... its damn funny... but that is just so her.. so pure and innocent... the things i like about her... hmmm....

Mummy's leg is not getting better... that is worrying, though she is hanging on in there, but i really felt that there is something which i should do about it... i really wished that i had the ability to ask her to stay home and rest and not to worry about money and expenses... but the fact is i havent reached that stage yet... it just made me feel damn lousy all over again... its prompting me to work harder... i must compromise and try to divide my time properly... sometimes i really wish that there is 5 of me... den i can concentrate fully on what i am doing... life is just so difficult at times...

Like a Saint

walked past weifeng's room... saw him and addie "tian mi mi"...
felt so glad and happy...
i managed to bring them back together...
the night of no sleeping and talking to them and convincing them did work afterall...
just so glad for them... they are meant to be together anyway...

time waits for no man...

its 2am now... and i am back in hall after dinner with mummy...
went for takraw...
haven been properly home for 2 weeks...

on the way down for dinner, in the lift... i took a very long look at mummy....
its been a long time since i look at mum this way... she looked frailed and tired. She's on MC today, cause of headache and leg pain... she looked kinda pale really... i hate to see her like that... she always overworks and doesnt like to listen to me. she always puts me and bro in the first place and puts herself and her health on the line... sacrificing her everything for us.... but darn that stupid brother who is still so immature at the age of 20. can he bloody hell wake up his idea? wats worse is that he picked up smoking. TMD!! @#%$@#$@!#@!!!

My heart aches... the wrinkles and the wariness on mummy's face looked more evident than before. She is close to 50 already... and i am at 23... yet i am unable to give her a good life... i feel damn useless... I am a little confused now... i wanna work harder to make more money... but yet, i dun wanna neglect my studies, cos that is one way of making her happy, afterall she is slogging so hard to put me into uni... totally confused now... but i am not at a loss of what i am suppose to do... i will work very hard to earn.. and try my best to get good grades. I wanna give mummy a good life to enjoy... Its been hard on her all these years, i can see that she is tired... but she has a very strong will, to dote on us and provide the best she can for us... thats keeping her going on... i know i mustn't disappoint her... i really mustn't...

Coming from a broken family isn't easy, on the surface, everyone thot that i have a nice family... but nobody really knows whats going on inside... Dad has mellowed down compared to yester-years... become much more thoughtful and caring... he is getting on in years too... sighhh... i really cant imagine life without either of them. though, i am not as close to dad, but its just something that holds us together. I can see him trying too... but at times, i really wonder what is going on in his head... I wish i have the power of God. The power to rectify everything and every wrong i see and make life better for my parents and whoever that needs it... I will make it a point to go home every weekend, i know mummy miss me... dad too... even though they didnt mention anything at all...

I got a new sam sung today... yet to fiddle with it... i will soon.. tmr when day breaks. I miss Xiao Ben Ben today... keep thinking about her... I wonder why...
Me and Jerraine been talking a lot these days, we are like getting back to old days when we first became friends... i appreciate that babe... thanks for being there for me... and listening to me...

Lots been going thru my head... i am very much confused with one issue to another... no headway... totally clueless... I wish i can find a perfect answer...

Summary

Its not going to be a long post, even though i haven posted for a while, I would say that my weekend spent in Msia was really good. It was a refresher course and it serve its purpose as a motivational course for my charges. Now we are totally in sync and motivated to achieve our goals for this year. Its not gonna be easy but, somehow, we are geared up for it and ready to take anything on.

My modules this sem are killers, i just gotta find a way to deal with them. If possible, i still wanna try to dance for DP. Time is tight, and its not helped by having 13 projects to work on for this sem. TIME MANAGEMENT!!!

Xiao ben ben had just past her bday on monday, i hope she enjoyed herself. Still yet to pass her the gift i got for her from HK. Roger, Weifeng, Kristian and Zhiyu came back yesterday, helped me bought a pair of sepak shoes from Thailand, the land of Sepak. felt good. i did a killer "lipat" with it yesterday. Its tut bidding now...

I got something to say...

Weifeng, Kristian, Roger and Zhiyu just left the hall... embarking on a trip to Thailand, Bangkok.
They had kept it under wraps for a while... though i was a little suspicious when they are talking about exchanging money and stuff... But i guess they have their reasons for not wanting too many people to know...

3 out of the 7 in the short wing is gone... things are gonna be so much quieter until next tues when they are back... Kevin has always been a joker and hangs out with us, though he doesnt stay in B4, everyone considers him as a member of this little cosy family...

Though we haven been staying together for very long, at most this is the 3rd week, but because of the times we shared, the things we do together, the meal times, the lame jokes, the floor supper, the sepak trainings and all the silly "tekan" sessions that we meted out to each other in the middle of the night, the being there for each other when we have problems, we grown a lot closer to each other... the sentimental attachment is there... I was the only year 2 ard when they left (if u dun include xiwen), barney, patrick, daming were all at lessons... There is a tinge of sadness when i see them go... silly, many may say, but i think its the kind of sentiments that i really cherished and hold on to...

I dunno if it is just me or its in them as well, though its suppose to be a getaway trip for them, there is a tone in their voice which expressed a certain reluctance to leave, I hear it in Kristian, I hear it in Weifeng, I hear it in Roger too... Perhaps, its all for Rachel, Adeline and Xiwen, but i believe they also can't bear to leave us, though the time is a short span of few days...

Xiwen does look sad when i asked her, though she was furiously denying, she seemed to have lost a bit of life... maybe i am exaggerating but that is what i felt... Now, its only a few days... i wonder what will life be without them come next year, when they all graduate together... I know one thing for sure is, i will miss them terribly... they are my buddies, they are my brothers...

Day of coincidences

Went with Baby Carol and Freda and Charmain to the bazaar in the morning before lecture, din buy anything from there. Though i wanted to buy CDRs and some aphrodisiacs - chocolates, but no stock... think i better remind myself to buy fro gajah international which is just at eusoff. as for my aphrodisiacs, i better find one day and go to clementi central to get my supplies, together with my milk and maybe some other stuff. Oh, i need to buy curtains also...

After the lect, i saw Nana and xiao ben ben at the Co-op, wanted to buy the textbook, but the queue was freaking too long... den i think i better go and buy early tmr morning. den i saw girlgirl (Ruoyan) at her aunt's stall at the bazaar, surprisingly, her aunt remembers me.. haha... i am so glad.

Ok i am done for the week already, but i am thrown a whole stack of readings to complete, and i got to go to Johor for a course over the weekend... wheww... super shack... better find time for my readings... its getting crucial..

Yogi just asked me to pack dinner for him...

Shack day with a perk!!

Woke up for breakfast with Roger and xiwen...
tried to do some readings after that... but as usual, fell asleep... guess i am really not prepared for school yet. not exactly in the mood for it..

Went swimming in the afternoon with Daming and Roger, did abt 15 laps... to condition myself.. pretty good, the additional bonus was that we got to know this super hot babe from Britian who was here for exchange. She is very lady-like and gentle... not forgetting demure and pretty as well, easily the most eye-catching person in the pool with her bright pink bikini. She struck a conversation with us, and managed to exchange numbers..

After dinner was a little game of bball with Lionel, one of my beloved jnrs. the game made me realised how out of touch i am with bball... Thanks bro for the game... shack but fun. Its Sepak after that, pretty disgusted with myself, for this whole week, i have been getting the shit of the game, i cant connect with the ball properly and the ball keep coming off the wrong part of my legs... whats even more frustrating is that u know that u can do better and u have done it better before. I need someone to tell me how to get over this bad patch... desperately!!!

The real highlight of the night is that Baby Carol msged me once she reach back from sch... that poor little baby was stuck in sch till 11pm... without dinner... den we chatted a bit and i went over to her room... I thought i saw her smile a bit when i opened the door, but then again, it could be a pigment of my imagination... she showed me the stuff she drew and we chat a bit until she was going to bathe... That made me really happy i guess...

Sweetie~~

Sweetie took me on a ride on her new Vespa, cream white in colour... ok it wasn't exactly new, but she jus bought it... its the old model anyway... She calls it "Ice Cream"
She just made my day...
Although its just a few rounds around the carpark, but its damn cool... how many people actually got the chance on go on a Vespa... let alone pillioned by their sweetie...
We will go further when she gets better at pillioning people... she promised..
She is just so sweet, isn't she...?
No wonder she is my Sugar Mummy...
haha...

Rag & Flag 05/06

Today is the much awaited day... after all the hype, the speculation, anticipation... this is it...
the preview last night wasn't exactly very encouraging, at the first glance... i thought the float was a far cry from last year's. that made me really worried... Luckily the dance was impressive, i thought that will salvage something back... but the float was kinda disappointing... feeling of fear was in the air... plus the fact that Sheares was really strong in Flag this year... Gloom descended upon us, when the preview ended, no one was very confident about Rag and Flag this year. With news that Temasek was copying our idea last year and our dance moves... we were feeling pissed more than anything... and that is not helped by the fact that they came to spy on out preview... and went backshouting yay, feeling confident that they will outdo us.... THOSE GITS!!! *shaking fists*

PUtting up and makeups and body paints took the whole night... dancers were deprived of sleep as usual. We were the first hall to present after all the facs...i would say that our dance looked really impressive... kudos to the hard work by the dancers, but this year... seems like most halls have taken our concept of 2 sides fighting and a messy dance which set us apart from them all these while... except for Sheares who did a carnival, which was really refreshing and i must say that their float looks unique... With the fact that our float was kinda disappointing, i was rooting for Sheares, its better than Temasek anyway, those copycats...!!

for rag, not surprisingly, when the results were out... Sheares won most of the awards minus the least-cost float which went to US and the most environmental friendly float which went to KR. I thought we should have reclaimed our best presentation and dance awards.. dunno wassup with the judges. We lost our Flag as well, it was double whammy, but surprisingly it went to KR instead of Sheares which we thought was our main competitor. The biggest surprise of the day was that we still retained our overall champion despite losing most of our awards from last year... i guess we were high second in most of the categories... thats why... it seems like the most logical reason anyway... It didn't felt like a victory at all actually to me.. losing so much... i suppose next year's rag and flag will be quite stressed to regain whatever we lost... The only topping we had on the ice-cream was that Temasek din win a single shit... I guess copycats dun go very well with the judges eh? i was initially quit worried that they are going to be hoodwinked...

Gift from Down Under

Xiao Ben Ben bought me a shot glass from Aussie... its very nice and beautiful...
so nice of her...
finally met her after such a long time, met her for lunch in school...
She finally broke up with that prick, it was a good riddance from her life, not like she needed anymore harm and hurt anyway. Its definitely a joyous occassion, not that i am glad or gloating or whatever there is... but I was just freaking pissed with the way that he treated her... a piece of asshole really... can't imagine any bf who treated his gf like that... Could really do with a good kick up his groin...

this kinda of people, makes my blood boil...

Hectic Day

Never stopped working since I opened my eyes today...
Busy looking through my modules and trying to make something of it... At least try to get some modules which i can do or rather like to do... Feeling pissed that I had been outbidded in almost everything that i bidded for... i nearly tore my hair out... Damn the other students... how on earth did they get so many points to bid for the modules... esp the biz mods that i wanted to take. To make things worse... the server cocked up when it was near the end of bidding... making even more panicky than ever..

In the end, i had to ask Jamie to help me bid for the mods, cos i had to leave for the Mizuno warehouse sale. Supposed to be a B4 outing between me, roger, weifeng, kristian and daming, but being cheeky, i asked Caroline if she wanna come along, she sportingly obliged. Seated in Weifeng's Altis, we set off... Destination: Mizuno Warehouse in Kallang. Met Tom there. There wasnt a lot of things available for us to choose from, but good thing is that i managed to find 2 pairs of shoes, not the best that is in the market, but its definitely worth the money that i paid for. 80 bucks for 2 pairs of racer which look nice enough to wear out. I can't asked for more. In addition, i got a singlet that baby carol said that it look nice. She bought herself a couple of singlets and tshirts. Everyone gained something from the sale. After that was dinner at a taiwanese porridge restaurant near Oasis, Kallang Indoor stadium. tasty food with steep prices.

Came back to hall, played Takraw and Touch, finally ended with a game of MJ. Damn i lost 10 bucks. I think its time to stop playing for a while, been getting bad hands and can't get the cards i want.

Guess the real perk of the day is Baby Carol going out... whether its as friends or not, at least its a good start i guess. I need to be more normal and try to talk to her more. Mustnt rush into things... are some of the things that i had to remind myself.

A bad bad day....

Supposed to be Flag day today, woke up at 4am, thanks to the incessant knocking on the door by Sipei. I am the area i/c for Dover.

when we reach Dover, there were already people from other halls there... Dover has never been appealing because its all the secondary schools and polys and jcs there... It just doesn't seem right to be selling flags to them, especially when i am in Uni... I remember the days when i was in jc, den i saw uni students selling flags outside my sch gate.. I was like, "huh!!! you are in uni leh, u come and tap on the poor jc kids like us??" Then, today i am doing likewise... deja vu... sigh... but i chose not to ask from the small kids... instead, taking one freshie with me, we headed for Dover market hoping to catch the market crowd in the morning, after stationing 2 raggers at the Dover mrt.

To our disappointment, there are scarcely few people at the market, we tried our luck, in the end, we gave up and walk over to the industrial estate to try... not bad there considering the number of people. Returns were high. den after that, i suffered from splitting headache and that ended my Flag day...

Mixed feeling really, sad that i cant help out when all the people are out collecting but yet relieved that i dun have to do it anymore... i also dunno wats over me... maybe its the lack of sleep... Slept till dinner time anyway...

Den i had dinner with Caroline aka Jin Jia.. not too bad i guess... tts about the only up thing today...