A buddy's wedding... 27/09/2008

The wedding of the first of my growing up buddies... Yibo...
feeling guilty that i had felt them out of my life largely for the past few years... cos of school... hall... and now work... i dun join them for the usual sunday soccer anymore... its sinful.. especially when we are there for each other since sec1.. been thru so much together.. skip class together to play soccer even right till jc... that now i hardly see them anymore.. hardly talk to them anymore... even though they had continued to meet regularly every sunday to play soccer... these are the people that i grow up with... how could i???

if not for Yibo's wedding today, i dunno when i will be able to see all of them together again... how trustworthy these group of friends has been when Yibo has been away and he left morst of the wedding preparations to their hands and everything went off without a glitch... not everyone will do that for you.. only your true friends.. only your friends whom u grow up with.. whom u can really call brothers... i guess that is what that has been missing in my life recently...

but it just feels so weird that someone who is so close to me is getting married... its kinda different from one who is your classmate for that few years... different from your cousin cos they are your relatives and there is a natural bond.. but its someone whom you grown up with and whoever they are, has shaped you to be who you are today... i dunno if the rest has come to think of it that way, but i did... maybe to some of them, they might think that i have drifted from the group, but they are all very dear to me... like how i made the effort to go to the church wedding early morning, though certain parts of me has been lacking in my efforts in friendship with them... nonetheless, they hold an unwaivering position in my heart, something which nobody can replace...

Besides, Yibo being the first of us to get married... i am glad that he hasnt changed over the years.. not like anyone of us do... we are all pretty much the same as far as we remember... maybe drifted apart cos of work or other reasons... It touches my heart deeply when Yibo took the drink we concocted for him and he said " Jingpei!! I trust you ah... dont sabo me!!" its just so him, over all these years... he never changed... it touches somewhere deep in me... thanks for the trust buddy... and he drank it... with no complains... that is wat brothers are for.. that is how much trust we have in each other.. no questions asked...

i must make more efforts to meet them... i really really must, i know i cannot afford to lose them, i know i simply cant... Thanks for the gathering buddies... thanks for not forgetting me buddies... thanks for inviting me Yibo... i really miss you guys.. i really do... i can considering giving up Eusoffianos just to get back our friendship... just to get back our 14 years of friendships... friendships that lasted more than half my lifetime... somethings never change... thanks yogi, zhiwei, yangfeng, zhenfu, zhiyuan, yizhou, KK, seng, Kapo, shangyang, gum, yibo..

Congratulations Yibo and Loretta....!!!

A proper outing

it was a night that was long overdue...
finally met Charlotte for dinner after a long while... couple that with the deafening sounds of high speed F1 racers flying by and crowds trying to catch a glimpse of the cars.. we had dinner at bugis... before she suggested chilling out at clarke quay... i was thinking of taking a cab down cos my poor dainty girl was in high heels.. but she insisted on walking...
and walk she did.. all the way to clarke quay with no complains... kudos to her.. we walked around a bit... clarke quay is indeed a very lively place... i haven been there much.. but much has changed... finally we settled on chilling out at Atticam talking cock and people watch for a while before i send her home... I am happy to be her sugar daddy for the night, cos it was her birthday anyway...
hope more of such outings are to come in the near future...

Moscow – Houston – Dubai

I was not the least excited to come for this trip actually, though each and every station at this trip is my first time. Partly was probably because I am suffering from the post syndrome of missing her and I feel like staying in Singapore. Surprisingly, I didn't really miss her much for the entire trip until I was reminded by Viviane when she asked if I am attached, even that was pretty much ok until I saw her adding me in Friendster. I thought it was a glimmer of hope when she had a change of heart. But I guess my actions was misinterpreted, she had no lack of suitors, what am I to her afterall.

Thankfully, this set of colleagues are super nice people, cocksters and friends whom you can joke to and tell nonsense to. I found my confidant in Viviane, who is like a buddy who knows me for years and we can spend hours talking on the phone nonstop. Verlin and Johan were super funny and nonsensical, so is Sebastian, they are the Wu Jian Dao buddies. Mike is serious faced but super easy-going as well. The rest of the girls are just as nice, esp Jolene and Michelle whom I worked with before, and Esther who is freaking cute and funny like a little girl. There is Emily and Senly too. Practically almost everyone went out for sightseeing in Moscow at the Red Square, the most disappointing thing was that my camera cranked up on me and I didn't manage to take any photos, I had to rely on the girls and my Hp to dish out some photos. I hate going on long flight without a camera, not when I dunno when is the last time I can get to come back again. I got some photo collection job to do after this and I had to spend a bomb to get a new camera. Seriously, I think I have to come back again and redo sightseeing all over again. Moving on to Houston, there wasn't anything much to see except the mega shopping mall which was directly opposite the hotel and we spent the 2 days there hanging out and eating and shopping together. I was on the verge of buying my beloved Juliet shades until Viviane stopped me and said that I don't really need it, which is quite true as well considering I got Yibo’s wedding to attend and a new camera to buy. There is no need to add to my expenses, I gotta try to send my camera in for repair too, in that case I will have 2 cameras which one can be a spare. Coming back to Moscow, I thought I had a chance to visit the Kremlin at night and catch the night view of St Basil’s Catheral, but no one was game enough to go out with me and the weather is too cold, plus I was without my camera, everything just seemed bad. I guess I have to wait till the next time I am here before I get to see everything again. Today was spent at the gym and talking to Viviane on the phone for the whole day, its Dubai tomorrow, I will be meeting Charles. Actually I was glad that finally I am going home, but its kinda sad too cos this set of colleagues is really nice and I know I am going to miss them when I go to the next flight, esp Viviane and the rest of the girls and Johan, Verlin and Sebastian. Hopefully I will get to meet them soon. Viviane asked me to change to her Male flight, I just checked, Sam is on the flight, so is Serene and Shan Shan, hopefully I get to change to that. It will be fun with all of them around. I will miss talking to Viviane, she is same age and same month of birthday as me, but she seemed to have gone through a lot more than me, its just enjoyable to talk to her and she made me feel like quitting… dunno if that's a good thing or not but she invited me to visit her at Pittsburgh when I go New York next time. I will miss her when she leave…

In Dubai, we went out with the senior colleagues for dinner, actually we were the only junior ones and of course we were the butt of all jokes. But it was ok, they are just being funny and all but I was really looking forward to meeting Charles. I haven’t seen him for so long and partly I was looking forward to sitting in the Boxster but since Viviane wanted to come along, he had to drive the other car so that it can seat all of us. Surprise and surprise, there was someone else in the car, Carrie was the name and soon as I entered the car, I could sense that they were something more than just normal friends. But Carrie is a nice girl, easy going and crappy just like Viviane, and they hit off real fast and soon exchanged numbers. Amazing huh, because of the presence of the two girls, catching up with Charles is kept to the minimal cos we hardly had private moments to ourselves except when we were walking in front while the girls are doing shopping. Still we manage to get in a few words and from the horse’s mouth I knew that life got better for him since her arrival though they weren’t officially together yet. For me, I just told him what happened in Moscow, seems like I gotten over Cheryl, she is passé just as I am to her and I seriously don't think that we will remain as friends even though we said we will be. That until maybe something happens and she starts talking to me on her own accord or me doing vice versa. Kinda sad how things work out but I guess I have to move on. He told me to go after Viviane cos she seems not bad, but she is attached I told him. But these few days we were hanging out like we were together, talking on the phone nonstop for hours and hours in the day and before we sleep. She calls to ask if we are going out, joins me to take a look around the city, crap and makes fun of each other. I know that she doesn't really have me in her heart, cos she misses her bf and she is going away with him to Pittsburgh. I don't think she wants to give that up. So I am enjoying her company, honestly, it feels like she is my gf for these few days and I am grateful for that, and that has probably helped me tide over my sadness because she is always around. Not to forget that I had to climb into a dark hole in between the rocks cos she dropped her camera pouch in. think these are things which makes the friendship memorable… I think we are going to hang out for a while, meet up during the off days. And she asked me to change flight to do Male with her of which I am trying. Hopefully I get to cos Shan Shan, Serene and Samuel is on the flight too. I bet it will be fun. I have to thank Charles and Carrie for showing us around, the famous places in Dubai and the atas places for chilling out though seriously I cannot remember their names but I gotta ask them again. The bad thing is that I din have my camera with me and I had to use Viviane’s so all the trouble of getting my photos from her. We visited the Birch the “sail” hotel in Dubai and the other top 2 hotels besides it, which one I cannot remember the name and the other is Jumeirah. Visited a beautiful mosque and the shopping streets, the biggest shopping mall in Dubai called M.O.E, Mall of Emirates and some chill out places which is ranked number 1 in the world but it wasn't open cos its Ramadan period. Actually seeing how well he is doing, I am wishing that I can work in Dubai for a while, not exactly a dream place to work in but it pays well and I would love the experience of working in one of the booming cities in the world, it will certainly look good on my resume and maybe its time that I start looking around for jobs. And to my utter dismay, the units that we planned to buy raised by 3.5 times, I think by being hesitant, we missed a wonderful opportunity and for each of us, we just missed out on making 200k on resale, such a heartbreak and disappointment.

Wo gei ni, zhui hou de teng ai shi shou fang kai

She finally replied today, she said she wasn't at the comp when I msg her… I think I really have to give her up, she didn't feel like talking to me, I can feel it, though she didn't say so… she din even feel like sending me her roster, she din feel like seeing me. She thought I was sticky, cos I have been leaving her msges on msn and smses. Cos I offered to pick her up from work. It was a short conversation but extremely hurtful, maybe like what the others say, she is too playful and she doesn't appreciate what I am doing for her. To her, it seems like I am very sticky. She said she is clear of what she wants so she will see me around next time. Its upsetting to hear that cos its so un-reciprocated for so much feelings that I put it, so much for liking her. She merely told me that she don't want to start anything with me and she don't want to be anything more than just friends. I guess my showing of love and concern for her simply rub off the wrong way. There is really nothing more I can do now cos she is simply rebellious and what I can only do is to be a nonchalant friend, someone who scoffs at her and keeps my distance until one day maybe she really wakes up that is if I still likes her till then. I dunno what to feel now, be resistant to her, or to feel hurt… it's a confusion inside me all over again… but I finally gotten over her.. I think…

upside down...

in houston now...
will blog about the trip later..
i thought i had managed to cast my emotions aside...
not forget you... not stop liking you... definitely no no..
but having learnt not to be affected by you, for the first time in close to 2 months, i finally manage to stop missing you. Yes, you were always there in my mind... but i manage to stop missing you... but why did u suddenly add me in friendster and still ignore me? because of the little card and magnet that i sent you?
you turned my life upside down again... created another upheaval again...
sometimes i wish i can say i hate myself for loving you... but i cant bear to hate, at least not with anything to do with you...

you took my breath away, when my whole world was grey, you gave me everything and a little bit more.. and when its cold at night, you stayed right by my side... you became the meaning of my life... you became the meaning of my life..

i really wish u will respond soon...

Tonight...

Tonight…
I thot something good might have happened since my girl came online… thought that she will talk to me… but I didn't get any response from her… I really wonder what the hell happened… why am I getting this kind of response? That I couldn't even talk to her as a friend anymore? Its so heart wrenching…

Tonight,
I witnessed how a moment of folly and a mistake made in an earlier part of one’s life could have such serious repercussions, destroying a family, driving people crazy beyond the point of redemption… breaking hearts and causing mayhem… How a person’s emotions without letting it out could cause one to turn against his family…

Tonight… is one of the worst nights of my life… comparable to what happened 14 years ago, the night before my PSLE…

i miss you... the times we had together... i wonder why its so hard...
i regretted the taking the step back...
i wish to see you again...
it has been awhile since i last met you... i miss you... even the smallest thing reminds me of you...
have been trying to keep myself busy... but i still cant forget you...

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I don't know how you got under my skin, now i don't know how to stop thinking about you. I guess you've got me.

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Darkness around me, cold rain on the grass soaking through to my feet, and so few stars out. I imagine you, and let my feelings for you well up inside me. Love, the purest of affection, collects and words of joy tremble upon my lips. Now wholly alive with thoughts of you, I let reality sink in. This damnable situation sets in my mind, and mingle with my feelings for you. I hesitate for only a moment and in the moment that follows, I unleash a howl of heart-wrenching agony. Never have I heard my voice this way, so loud and strong, yet tinged with frightening weakness and the tears that fell from my eyes, it is more an indulgence than it is a means of freedom. I wish you back in my arms again... I am at a loss... a walking zombie...

Won't go home without you

Won't go home without you by Maroon 5..

Maroon 5 - Won't go home without you

I asked her to stay but she wouldn't listen
she left before I had the chance to say
the words that would mend the things that were broken
but now it's far too late she's gone away

every night you cry yourself to sleep
thinking why does this happen to me
why does every moment have to be so hard to believe that

it's not over tonight
just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

the taste of your breath I'll never get over
the noises that you made kept me awake
the weight of the things that remained unspoken
built up so much it crushed us everyday

every night you cry yourself to sleep
thinking why does this happen to me
why does every moment have to be so hard to believe that

it's not over tonight
just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you
it's not over tonight
just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

Of all the things I've felt but never really shown
perhaps the worst is that I ever let you go
I should not ever let you go

it's not over tonight
just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you
it's not over tonight
just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you
and I won't go home without you and I won't go home without you and I won't go home without you


i think thats my fave song for this period of time... truly reflecting what i am feeling and depicting me almost fully, minus the crying in the night... amidst all the heartaches... trying to go out meet up with my friends... catching up and partly to take my mind off things... there has been progress, i think i am less indulging in it... but i still cant help but miss her... at times its so bad that i felt like seeing her there and then... or i get so emo suddenly that my emotions just plummeted to a low... i hate this feeling... but ames told me to enjoy this lovesickness cos i will miss it when its gone... i dunno man.. its a sucky feeling, she does make sense but i am wishing that things will get better... people say she is playing hard to get... a buddy says i have to work very hard to prove myself... another says i need to give her space to think... of which i am trying very hard to accomplish them all... but i dun think she knows or understands... she seemed to be living her own life, thats in my opinion..

i am deeply troubled inside, ames feels like slapping me, she cannot believe i let myself into this state... i cannot believe it oso, but i am just attracted to her.. i fell for her and got ran over by a truck... maybe i can only wait and see how things go...

I was at breeze bar last night after a friend's bday... met Kirsten, Glenn, Tim and Darren Lim Minglun, chilled out, talk cock... chitchatting... no airs, easy going.. casual clothing. nice beach chill out bar.. i like it there.. i might go back again soon... think i need it.. i have been mind fucked... sadly...

Agony

Every moment is you… every breath is you… I think I am engulfed by you… I miss you so much, I know I promised to start everything off as friends from now onwards… you were on my mind all these while even though I am 100,000 miles away in Rome… I am wondering how you are getting along in Singapore, what is your standby call up gonna be… I miss you so much, but I had to restrain myself from smsing you and contacting you too much, to avoid putting pressure on you, simply for the fear that you might avoid me, just as what I did to others. Now I know what torture it is to miss someone but you cant tell them about it… though I am exploring Rome, I am wishing that you are here with me so that we can walk this historic city, the beautiful architecture, this romantic little city…

The set of colleagues are super nice, fun to hang out with, but throughout the whole journey of 12 hours to getting here, you were running through my mind as I was working… The excitement of getting to Rome pales to the point of stale in comparison in my pining for you. I still remember the sweetness of seeing you on flight during Johannesburg, its just such comfort to know that you are somewhere nearby, even though not working together, its good enough for me to know that I can run to your side to protect you if anything is to happen. So different to be able to see your smile at an instant, I guess you don't know how much it lights me up just to see you smile… I miss your smile, I miss your presence, I miss your candidness and your callousness, I miss your nonsense and I miss hugging you…

Halfway around the world, I am wishing that you miss me too, even though its just that little bit… I would be so glad to be somewhere in that little corner of your mind… being missed, being thought about…

Rome - Florence (Roma - Firenze)

Rome

Touching down in Rome with a heavy heart… matters of the heart is something which I always have problem managing well. I think I must say I suck at it. First time at Rome, there is no choice but to explore the beautiful city. A little rest and off we go. Armed with map and marking out the major landmarks to visit, I must say that days here is not enough. Piazza Navona was our first stop, it's a little square with 2 fountains and an obelisk. We had lunch at the oldest restaurant in the area, with a reputation of 108 years old, the restaurant was set up in 1900. it served very tasty pasta.. one of the better ones that I tasted. After that was passing by the Pantheon enroute to Spanish Steps, otherwise known as Trinita dei Monti. It's a famous shopping district with all the branded goods congregated in a single long stretch of road. Pretty much like in Milan. On the way there. We past by a few more prominent landmarks like Palazzo Chigi, Palazzo Montecitorio and Piazza Colonna. Nobody should miss out on Fontana di Trevi (Trevi Fountain). The place is packed with people, tourists and street baskers and wedding couple. It's a beautiful sight and seriously in Rome, the buildings make you wonder how people in the past manage to sculpt and build these architectures. Trevi Fountain is also a very famous wishing fountain which makes people’s wishes come true if they flick a coin into the fountain while back facing the fountain. But as to why back facing, I have no idea to the traditions or reasons behind it, but I myself has got a few wishes to make, of course I couldn't miss out on the chance to make my wishes at this famous Trevi Fountain. I think I shall keep my wishes secret for now until they are fulfilled. That's how it works most of the time isn’t it?

On the way back, we visited Colonna Traiano, Mercati Traianei and the beautiful beautiful Monumento a Vittorio Emanuele. Too bad that my camera ran out of battery, I only managed a few photos of the super beautiful building. There was the beautiful Quirinale that we passed by while we took a wrong turn, but didn't have a chance to take any photos. We shall visit that place again. We had to rush back to catch our bus so there wasn't enough time to visit other beautiful landmarks but it shall be done on the next trip here. We passed by the beautiful Ara Coeli, Campidoglio, which reminded me that I must get the photo from Jolene. And who can miss out on the Colosseum in Rome. Though we were late and missed out on entering the Colosseum, we still manage to take some photos of the place… Beautiful!!! More places to visit on the next trip here… Vatican City is definitely top priority as we are going to travel out to Florence tomorrow and today is Friday, the Vatican City is closed for Pope’s prayers. There is also the unique Isola, the castle on a little island in the middle of the river and Piazzadei Popolo according to one of the Captains… basically there is still a lot of places to visit for the next trip… but its Florence tomorrow with the help of an Italian tour guide, Marco, who is Sheila’s friend. Hope its fun…

Monte Varchi is the first stop of the day, if anyone is wondering what is that place, well… it is the factory outlet for Prada and Miu Miu.. I must say it's a girl’s shopping paradise… the stuff were really cheap there… for the same Miu Miu bag that Claris bought in Milan, its about a third of the price if you get it there, different colour though… But who cares?? Jolene got herself 2 more Prada wallets on top of her Gucci yesterday. Ling got the same exact Miu Miu bag as Claris, brown in colour though. Sheila got a few Prada bags and wallets, though some were on other people’s request. Marco and me stayed well clear, except that I almost fell prey to a pair of Prada shades which was really really nice. After that, we headed to Firenze (the old Italian name for Florence). Being told that Florence is one of the most beautiful city in Italy together with Rome and Venice, I was really excited to get there and see for myself. Actually reaching there… It was slightly disappointing, maybe because we were only in the city centre, there wasn't really that much to see except the typical statues that can be found in different parts of Italy. Until we see the Duomo (or rather Domini), the largest Duomo in Italy, even bigger than that of the famous one in Milan. It is really beautiful, the dome and the colour combination made it stood out like a sore thumb amidst the rest of the dull coloured European buildings. Went in to pray, before taking a walk around, saw a flea market which was not often seen in the rest of Europe, and yes its just like the typical pasar malam that you get in Singapore. After that, we moved on to the famous shopping area on the bridge. It's a really broad bridge and the view and scenery of the river that passes through it is really magnificent. As usual, we took photos of it, non-stop. Then we saw a parade procession where people were decked in olden days costume and swinging the flag of Florence. After that, it was desserts at a cafe which serve fantastic tiramisu (meaning “up your day”). It was hitting the road back to Rome after that… the girls were so tired that they fell asleep on my shoulders… it was that time that I wished you where there together with me, going through the day, seeing the beautiful places and taking photos together… I wish that day will come soon… sitting in the car for 3 hours, how I was wishing that it was you resting your head on my shoulders, just like before… how I miss you…

Must remember to get Marco’s contacts from Sheila and the photos from Jolene, Ling and Sheila… my camera is going, I think its almost time to get a new one soon… sigh…I love my camera…